Part Four in a series by Michael Watson

This is the (long awaited) fourth installment in a series about the presuppositions of NLP.  Earlier installments can be found in the archives in May 2013.  I call these presuppositions essential attitudes, because the ones we’re including in this episode are paradigm shifting.  So be warned.  If you incorporate them into your thinking, the world (as you know it) might never be the same.

The essential attitudes I want to share with you in this segment are about choice, behavior, and purpose.

So fasten your seatbelts …

This next presupposition is especially important.  And when we take it to heart, it can yield some helpful insight about ourselves, our loved ones, our clients and associates.   It’s two presuppositions, really and so far reaching that we have to get there a step at time.  The first step is this corollary:

BEHAVIOR IS PURPOSEFUL

It is intention that drives behavior. No matter what we do, there is something we are trying to achieve by doing it.  Often the intention seems so obvious … and we don’t even think about it. Yet what seems obvious isn’t always so and occasionally we have to ask. “Why would someone DO such a thing!?”  This NLP presupposition encourages us to take a look at the intention behind the behavior.  “If behavior is purposeful … what purpose does it achieve?”

But the next step takes it a bit further, and in its fullest form the presupposition is expressed this way :

THERE IS A POSITIVE INTENTION BEHIND ALL BEHAVIOR

In training classes this one usually leads to a discussion of all the counterexamples … and names like Hitler and Dahmer and Manson come up.  In my personal opinion (and in spite of outward appearances) people don’t wake up in the morning with an intention to be evil.  Yet even these three, when viewed from their own perspective, were in pursuit of something that they needed or valued.  It may have been a tangible goal, or an emotional one.  And it may or may not have been conscious.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions … but so is the road to heaven. Good intentions aren’t the problem.  It’s their execution that isn’t working out well. There needs to be a better way.

This idea opens up a widely used and highly effective approach to change.

Clients often come to us claiming that they are unable to eliminate unwanted behaviors that don’t seem to serve them in any way.

I don’t believe that there really is a part of any of us that wants to smoke cigarettes, or overeat, or do anything against our will.  But there may be part of us that wants relaxation or comfort or some other positive experience and this is how it gets THAT.  So rather than seeking a remedy for smoking, we find better ways to relax.  It’s good to have a part of us that’s committed to getting that for us and we want it to succeed at that.

This is especially important, because many of our clients are asking for an exorcism of sorts.  They say in effect, ”I’ve got this (habit) and it’s got possession of me.  I can’t control it, and I want you to get rid of it.  Cast it out!”  I remember when I was in college a group of religious zealots who wanted to “cast the demon nicotine out of me.” And many well-meaning therapists and changeworkers attempt to do just that.  And when a part believes you’re trying to annihilate it, there really isn’t any rapport.  Just resistance and an absence of internal cooperation.  Especially since that part is the most important one in resolving the issue.  So it isn’t surprising that a lot of resistance comes up … or that the change isn’t lasting … when the positive intentions are ignored. 

On the other hand, good changework can be as exciting as Christmas Morning to a part that understands you’re going to help it get what it really, really wants.

Having better choices is where it’s at.  Being better equipped to get our deeper needs met is what growth is all about.  And that’s what makes the next essential attitude one of the most basic and most important:

CHOICE IS BETTER THAN NO CHOICE

Since behavior is purposeful, so are the choices we make as we move through the world.   This seems obvious, because the choices that we make really define our lives, don’t they?  From the activities we choose to engage in, the friends we make, the work we do, where we live, who we marry (or don’t marry), the beliefs we adhere to … We make our life through choices. In fact, making choices IS our life.

 

And yet some people don’t feel that they have choices about their behavior.  And every time a certain situation arises, they respond the same way – with some unwanted behavior. It seems to be on “automatic” – the default response – and the only choice available.

But one choice is no choice at all.  In fact, it’s a rut. 

And two choices is often a dilemma …

So it takes THREE choices to really have choice

And that brings us to the next presupposition of NLP:

PEOPLE MAKE THE BEST CHOICES AVAILABLE

Now I know it doesn’t always look like that.  And as I look around I see all kinds of folks ranging from world leaders to clients to colleagues to family members making some pretty lousy choices.  At least from my point of view.

But there are a couple important things to notice about this presupposition … a couple magic words that really impact its meaning.

“BEST” is the first magic word.  What criteria is being applied?  In NLP-speak we mean “most likely to succeed at achieving some outcome”.  More specifically, most likely to satisfy that positive intention we’ve been talking about.

“AVAILABLE” is the second magic word.   A person can only choose from the possibilities they have access to.  These possibilities vary from one person to another based on their beliefs and understandings, skills and abilities, and other resources.  

A wise teacher once said: “The obvious truth is what is so.  It is also, not so obviously, SO WHAT?!”

Do I need to remind you again that it isn’t a matter of whether these essential attitudes are true or not?  It’s more important to notice how they can help us.  How we can use them.

If we assume that there is a positive intention behind what people do, we can begin to use this attitude to let go of judgment and try to be more understanding of what people are really up to.  And when we know that – we can help them find a better way. 

Presuppositions are the place where we begin our thinking.  If we begin by presupposing that whatever people are doing is the best choice available to them, we can work on accessing more resources and making new choices available.

Incorporating these essential attitudes into your work can give you great insight, demonstrate a deeper respect for your clients and empower them to make meaningful changes.

How to make those adjustments is something we’ll cover more fully as the series continues …

Back in the 1960s and '70s when NASA was actively engaged in the pursuit of putting astronauts on the moon, the missiles were slightly off course over 90% of the trip.  And the ground crew in Houston, monitored their instruments.  And adjustments were made one  after another to keep things headed in the right direction. One degree here, two degrees there, until they arrived at their destination.

In this modern world we are all familiar with a GPS.  These guidance systems keep track of where we are and even advise us about the route to take.  And even when we vary from its instructions, the GPS will recalibrate and offer us new choices and new ways to get there.

Similarly, as we pursue our own goals and intentions, successful results come from getting feedback along the way and making one course correction after another until we accomplish our purposes.  Yet there is another hidden guidance system programmed and unconscious at work as well.  Virtual Questions can subtly lead us to ecstasy or agony, fulfilment or disappointment. Invisibly guiding us to places we may or may not want to go.

The task of a GPS is to answer one question ... and to keep asking and re-asking it - revising the answer as it goes along.    That question is simply "How do I get from here to there?".  As we journey thorough our own individual, private lives, the questions we ask ourselves unconsciously work the same way ...repetitiously checking for something ...  but the problem is they aren't just about how to get somewhere. They also influence our attitudes and imaginations in ways that can cause us great happiness and success ... or not.  So it's important to consider the questions you ask as you go down life's highway, and how they determine the results you get.


Now, virtual questions are generally unconscious and outside of your awareness. And depending on habituations of your "operating system" they may be words, or pictures in your mind.  Yet the words are likely to be inaudible and the images invisible ones. Or maybe you just have some feeling or vague sense about it. And still the inner GPS has been set and is continually checking for something.


For example, someone who is continually wondering (virtually, that is),  "Am I good enough?  Am I good enough?" might suffer from a debilitating degree of uncertainty and insecurity that limit his abilities and stop him in his tracks.  A woman who has suffered abuse or violence may, as result of those experiences, be constantly checking, "Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe?". and this internal unconscious checking creates a prevailing attitude that colors a person's entire life.   The effects are demonstrated through behaviors, attitudes, personalities and more.

My grandmother was a particularly critical woman. And she seemed to have TWO virtual questions. She applied them to everything (ranging from politics to family matters to the roast beef she was eating).  It was as if she was asking FIRST, "What's wrong with this?" ... and following it up with, "And whose fault is it?"   The consequences of her virtual questions made her miserable, disliked, and lonely. My understanding of her was transformed the moment I recognized the pattern.  I went from thinking, "What a hard, cruel woman!" to "What a bitch it must be to be HER!"

But just as virtual questions can trip us up, they can also lead to satisfaction and success and all kinds of desirable things. I know of a spiritual teacher who encourages this devotees to ask, "How can I see God in this situation?" or "What is wonderful about this moment?" An entrepreneur can use virtual questions to keep him alert to opportunities while a poet might set his guidance system to seek out moments of inspiration or a comedian might be asking "Where is the humor in this situation?".  

Whatever your virtual questions might be, we ask what we've learned to ask from our experiences, and we can learn something new.  We watch for what we've been taught to watch for.  And we can start watching for something new. Ask leading questions that lead you where you want to go.

Virtual questions are habitual ways of influencing your state, guiding your behavior, and effecting the general quality of your experience.  And bringing them to awareness is the first step to getting the best use out of them. Observing your own behavior and attitudes (especially unwanted ones) will give you some clues as to the quality of your own virtual questions. 

Considering what questions would help you have more of the rich and satisfying life you want is the second step.

Step three?  Practice those new questions regularly until they become new habits of thinking. 

How cool is that?

Often in seminars and workshops (and even therapy) people have "peak experiences".   They get an insight or a new understanding that seems helpful and empowering and then after a day or week, it fades.   A momentous insight can be a beautiful thing ... but we want to make certain that it doesn't just make for a good moment.  We want to be certain that the change is sufficient to address the issues of the past ... and resilient enough to transform the future.  In today's video, Michael speaks about how reimprinting is a powerful way to ensure that the change is sufficient to take care of what has gone before, and how it can lead to a more satisfying and successful future.

We hope that you're enjoying our mini-series.  If you have an interest in Core Transformation training, follow the link in the right hand column (or just click here) to get the details of our upcoming program in Orlando (Feb 7-9).

Welcome to our third mini-lesson in Core Transformation.  Today's topic is Perceptual Positions.

Although it wasn't included in the Core Transformation book, and isn't technically a part of the Core Transformation Process itself, Connirae Andreas explored Aligned Perceptual Positions (APP) and it is generally included in Core Transformation Trainings.

In any interaction between two people, there are three primary perceptual positions:  Self (you), Other (them), and Observer Position.  APP involves sorting the three positions and then aligning their various components.

To introduce the topic, this  lesson includes the opening frames about perceptual positions from a live training.

Now, as I said in the video, I don't want to oversimplify things.  After sorting out the positions, APP involves "aligning them".  Here are some examples of what we mean:  When you think about an interaction you've had in the past with another person, step into the "observer" position where you can see the entire interaction.  Notice, are the "self" and "other positions" equal distance from you on one side and the other?  Are they at eye level with you and with one another. What are you feeling? Are you feeling the feelings of an observer, or have you brought some of "you" into this position?  Are the sounds that you hear balanced in both ears?  These are just a few of the many elements that can be adjusted.

The process of aligning perceptual positions can transform all of your relationships as it gives you access to clean information and opens up some interesting possibilities.

For information about the upcoming Core Transformation Training in Orlando (February 7-9, 2014) click here.

When it comes to our potential, sometimes it seems that we live at the tip of the iceberg and are barely scratching the surface.  And it's as if there is such depth to our being that may never see the light of day.  But what if I were to tell you that it wants out.  And that, in fact, it's been taking a lot of effort to hold it all in.  But hold it in we do. Because it hasn't been out much, and it just doesn't know how to act in a socialized, sophisticated world.  And yet I'm convinced that the greatness within us is striving to emerge, and that when it does we can truly be ourselves.  Giving expression to our deepest longings, once we discover what they REALLY are, will bring us to life.  

In Core Transformation, we discover what our Core Outcomes are. What the deepest part of ourselves wants to bring forth.  It's been giving us clues all along.  In the moments of tragedy and despair, of challenge and frustration, of disappointment and hurt we learn something about what matters most to us.  And in those experiences of triumph and deep joy, of success and satisfaction, of richness and awe we see what's ultimately important.

We learn that it isn't really things that we seek ... or even the right set of circumstances ... but those states of fulfillment and resourcefulness and self expression that are within all of us.  Tapping into that richness and bringing it out into our lives offers a transformational experience that can resolve those situations that we've been struggling with and open us up to a creative flow of inspired possibilities.

In today's video lesson, we'll explain to you how we get to the core outcome beneath a presenting situation (in this case, "road rage" and then we'll show you a clip from a live Core Transformation Training where we apply the core outcome to the issues that led us there.

This short video is the second of five focusing in on the Core Transformation process. To get the whole set, subscribe to our blog (using the link in the right hand column). You can also read about Core Transformation and how to use it in Connirae and Tamara Andreas' brilliant book:Core Transformation: Reaching the Wellspring Within
And of course, when it comes to learning, nothing can compare to the experience of a LIVE, hands-on training which are available from time to time through us, and other organizations.  Michael Watson is proud to be one of a handful of licensed US trainers authorized by Connirae Andreas to present this program.  Here are the details of our next Core Transformation Training. 

Several years ago Steve and Connirae Andreas, then co-head honchos of NLP Comprehensive, wrote a helpful article titled "A Consumers Guide to Good Training"  (follow the link at the end of this post if you'd like to see it).  In that article they drew upon their own considerable skill and experience.  They explored the criteria that you might want to use to select among available training programs.  As a trainer, I've referred to that article as a regular reminder and occasional admonition to keep me at my best.  Students have choice about where they go to learn and explore and it's important that they know how to get information and how to make an informed decision
 
Last night I returned home to Orlando from a month away in the UK where I participated in a module of Christina Hall's excellent Trainer Training and then presented a course in Neo-Ericksonian Hypnosis.  Both were offered by Salad Seminars.   As I reflect back over the wonderful experiences of the last few weeks, I realize that trainers have choice too.  If you're a trainer, you may have your own criteria .... Here are mine:

GET SOME TRAINING YOURSELF - Do you think you know everything about everything?  Can't imagine sitting down and shutting up long enough to hear what someone else might have to say? (If the shoe doesn't fit, I'm just joking.  And if the shoe DOES fit, I'm just SAYING ...)  There's always more to learn and if the field you train in has any life in it at all, then you'd better "be there or be square" when new and cutting edge material is being presented.  And as a trainer, you can get twice the value ... because you just might learn something new about your field AND something new about training.  In fact, you can have TRIPLE VALUE when you let yourself learn about the experience of being a participant in training.  Calibrating your own students' responses is vital ... but  spending some time on the other side of the loop ... is the BEST thing you can do for yourself and for your training.  As I mentioned earlier,  I've just been in the last module of Christina Hall's SNLP Trainer Training and the experience has been a rich and rewarding one - offering new perspectives, watching training excellence in action and being immersed in a special learning community.  Do yourselves a favor, trainers ... keep learning.
 

SHARE WHAT YOU LOVE - You're not going to be able to pass on a torch if you don't have some fire of your own.  Yes, I know some trainers are forced by their employers or the needs of a particular market to present material that they aren't fascinated with. And to  those trainers I say ... "I am sooo sorry."  And I really hope that they, too will get to have the thrill of spending their time sharing and exploring their fascination with others.  When you do that you find yourself on a great adventure.  Not just a training, but a lifelong journey, where you can enjoy the camaraderie, share discoveries and spark the interests of other travelers through the territory
 

GATHER SUPPORT - Some trainers produce their own programs while others of us are often contracted to train by sponsoring organizations. I do it both ways, but prefer to do sponsored programs.  Producing trainings is a big job .. and so we often find ourselves functioning as web designers, campaign managers, reservations clerks, sales associates and barterers,  travel agents, logistics coordinators, video and sound engineers, taxi drivers, dishwashers, caterers... and ... and .... ENOUGH ALREADY!  If you want an excellent training, then find someone to support you in delivering it.  It's not that I'm allergic to hard work ... and in my own local organization I still DO all of those functions.  But my vocation is to train ... and all of these additional tasks are distractions.  It's a wonderful thing to have a sponsor, or at least a good core of assistants to support you, so that you can focus your attention on giving your best contribution and training at the highest quality. NLP Comprehensive, The UP Hypnosis Institute, IACT/IMDHA and others have all provided excellent training support for me in the last decade, yet and I'm especially appreciative of the "special relationship" that I have with Salad Seminars in the UK.  I've been with them since their earlier days with the charismatic and dynamic Jamie Smart and through their recent handover to chief Tim Considine who brings a fresh perspective and new energy to Salad.  I'm honored to be affiliated with the Salad brand and particularly grateful to Tim, Debbie Cook, and Damian Perry for their hard work and support during the just-completed hypnosis course in the UK. 

SECURE A GREAT VENUE - Although this is a luxury and not always available ... it's really great when you've got a state-of-the-art training facility with internet, projection and music systems, great sound and video recording capability.  And Salad has a great new place in a scenic country town with all the trappings - including bed and breakfasts and Inns and Pubs that make the stay special. For those who need a more urban experience, they're only minutes away from historic Winchester with it's great cathedral and home of the famous Round Table of King Arthur.  Yep, you can't always get a location like that.  And it really contributes to the training experience.

GET GREAT STUDENTS - Now this is especially important.   Your niche market, the character of your promotional material, your positioning in the community, all play some part in defining your audience.  And the footprints you leave on the road will make some difference as to who will follow you.  But you don't always get to vote ... and that means you can always be surprised when you let yourself recognize the specialness of ALL the fellow travelers you meet along the road.  Recently I heard about a husband and wife who were participating in two different NLP trainings with two different organizations in two different cities AT THE SAME TIME.  One evening the wife called her husband to discuss the great time she was having in the vibrant mid-sized group she was training with.  During the call, her husband grew extraordinarily quiet and then said, "It sounds like you're having a great time with lots of wonderful people who really LIKE each other and will be friends for years to come!.  I'm here lost, lost in the crowd in this group of 150 people who could care less if they ever see one another again!"   So remember this rule - it's easy to get great students ... especially in NLP and hypnosis, as you explore and discover how special each of them already is.  Get great students because they're all great ... and prepare to fall in love.  In the last eight days, I've fallen in love with 8 very special people.

Lots of gratitude and affection to the 2013 Trainer's Training , the Neo-Ericksonian Hypnosis Training and Salad Seminars

*Connirae and Steve Andreas Article ... http://steveandreas.com/Articles/consumer.html