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Essential Attitudes: The Presuppositions of NLP - Part Five

5/23/2014

 
Part Five in a series by Michael Watson

This is the fifth installment in our discussion about the essential attitudes of NLP.  So far we’ve considered the uniqueness of individuals, and how they create experience.  We’ve looked at the positive intentions behind people’s behavior, and the importance of the power of choice.

And because people DO have choice – whether they know it or not – the question becomes how to make those choices available and apply them to make a difference in their lives.

So when you’re trying to expand possibilities and open up more choice, the thing to bear in mind is this next presupposition

PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES THEY NEED

And I know that it often doesn’t seem to be the case.  Because the problem is, they don’t always have access to these resources when they need them.  For example, a timid (and therefore unsuccessful) salesman came to see me and said that he needed to “have more courage, take more chances, stop hesitating and be more proactive.” All qualities that he felt he was missing.  Yet just a couple weeks before he’d come to see me, he was a HERO at a lakeside park when he bravely and without hesitation dove into ice cold water and rescued a little girl who had fallen in.  Every one of the qualities he wanted in his sales work, he’d already displayed in another context.

And when someone comes to the conclusion that a particular quality is desirable and would help them in a given situation, how did they come to that conclusion?  They already had a built-in representation of that quality or state.

Christina Hall, one of the unsung (in the US) co-creators of NLP has suggested that this presupposition isn’t true only when it means that a person has that resource in their history.  It’s true because that person has a human neurology … and that’s the requirement … all the needed resources can be created in the mind, translated into experience, and brought into real-life situations.

Now when we’ve learned to do that … and begin making those changes, we just might discover that the resources we chose weren’t the best ones.  And just like raising children, developing and cultivating a garden, driving across the country through uncharted territory or sending a spaceship to the moon, you pay close attention to how it’s working and you keep making adjustments until you get it right.  And that’s what’s behind the next presupposition.

THERE IS NO SUCH THINGS AS FAILURE; ONLY FEEDBACK

What a relief THAT is!  When we learn to pay attention to what’s working and what’s not working, and use that information to adjust what we’re doing, and keep at it till we get there - this is the meaning of T.O.T.E.

                   Test à Operate à Test à Exit

We notice the current state of affairs (test 1) … we take some action to change it (operate ) … we notice how things are now (test 2) … and we continue operating and testing and operating and testing … until the test is “successful” – it’s produced the result we were going for.  And then we’re done. (Exit, stage right).

Failure is success that stopped too soon, they say.  You haven’t failed if you’re still going for it.  And even if you stop going for it, if it gave you some useful feedback – if you learned something you can apply later – you’ve succeeded at THAT.

There’s an expression in the NLP community that I’ve found very helpful, and that can be very encouraging when you’re working with some challenging areas of your life. 

“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly at first.”

Consider this.  (From my good friend Jamie Smart) When you were a little baby, you didn’t know anything about walking.  You may have pulled yourself up by the edge of the sofa or something … and stood for a moment or two, before you came crashing down.  And eventually you took a step … and likely fell on your behind.  And I’ll bet that happened several times.  And you never failed … because you never just sat down on the floor and decided, “Well, I guess I’m just not a walker!”  Because it was important enough that you kept at it - worth doing badly at first – until you got it down.

Now I can understand why some people get frustrated and quit … especially if they don’t know have the next essential attitude.

THERE’S A SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM

 It’s hard to keep on going if you don’t think the problem can ever be solved or the challenge can ever be met, or the dream can ever be realized.  But it’s really worthwhile, especially if you’re a coach or therapist, to start out with the understanding that whatever it is, there is a solution.  And if you do work with others, it would certainly be unscrupulous for you to collect fees from them if you didn’t believe that their issues could be resolved.  In fact, one fo the greatest services we can do for others is to hold the space that allows for and in fact INSISTS on the possibility that they can get what they want.  That they can achieve their goals.  Optimistic? Perhaps.  Encouraging?  You bet!

So now that we’ve talked about the resources you have, the importance of using feedback, and the value of making adjustments and persisting until you achieve the results you want; there’s another presupposition that might help.  It’s known more formally as “The Law of Requisite Variety” but what it boils down to is:

THE ELEMENT IN A SYSTEM WITH THE MOST FLEXIBILITY WILL BE THE CONTROLLING ELEMENT IN THAT SYSTEM.

When we can learn to vary our behavior as much and as often as necessary, we have much more control than when our attitude is rigid and we only see one way to do things.  Creativity comes from thinking outside of the box … and that’s usually where the solutions lie. The ability to achieve includes and requires the ability to do things “every which way” … to keep making those adjustments we were talking about earlier.  And flexibility is the key to success.

Next time we’ll be wrapping up this series with a couple really important attitudes about communication.  If you have trouble getting your message across, or making sense out of some of the people in your life, this just might help.  So  ‘til then remember to practice flexibility, get feedback, use all resources you can summon up … and there won’t be any problem that you can’t solve.  Say good bye to failure, and keep on keeping on.

Core Transformation - Part Two - Getting to the Bottom of Things

12/28/2013

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Note: (Just in case you missed the first Mini-Lesson in this Core Transformation Series and want to review it first, you can use this link to see it)
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When it comes to our potential, sometimes it seems that we live at the tip of the iceberg and are barely scratching the surface.  And it's as if there is such depth to our being that may never see the light of day.  But what if I were to tell you that it wants out.  And that, in fact, it's been taking a lot of effort to hold it all in.  But hold it in we do. Because it hasn't been out much, and it just doesn't know how to act in a socialized, sophisticated world.  And yet I'm convinced that the greatness within us is striving to emerge, and that when it does we can truly be ourselves.  Giving expression to our deepest longings, once we discover what they REALLY are, will bring us to life.  

In Core Transformation, we discover what our Core Outcomes are. What the deepest part of ourselves wants to bring forth.  It's been giving us clues all along.  In the moments of tragedy and despair, of challenge and frustration, of disappointment and hurt we learn something about what matters most to us.  And in those experiences of triumph and deep joy, of success and satisfaction, of richness and awe we see what's ultimately important.

We learn that it isn't really things that we seek ... or even the right set of circumstances ... but those states of fulfillment and resourcefulness and self expression that are within all of us.  Tapping into that richness and bringing it out into our lives offers a transformational experience that can resolve those situations that we've been struggling with and open us up to a creative flow of inspired possibilities.

In today's video lesson, we'll explain to you how we get to the core outcome beneath a presenting situation (in this case, "road rage" and then we'll show you a clip from a live Core Transformation Training where we apply the core outcome to the issues that led us there.

This short video is the second of five focusing in on the Core Transformation process. To get the whole set, subscribe to our blog (using the link in the right hand column). You can also read about Core Transformation and how to use it in Connirae and Tamara Andreas' brilliant book:Core Transformation: Reaching the Wellspring Within
And of course, when it comes to learning, nothing can compare to the experience of a LIVE, hands-on training which are available from time to time through us, and other organizations.  Michael Watson is proud to be one of a handful of licensed US trainers authorized by Connirae Andreas to present this program.  Here are the details of our next Core Transformation Training. 
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Core Transformation - Part One - Introduction

12/15/2013

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I like to make introductions, and this time of year offers lots of opportunities to meet new people, try new electronic gadgets (thanks, cyber Monday), and explore new ideas.   And as the new year approaches, people are resolving to make changes in their lives and expand into the future (especially after being introduced to all of that holiday food).

And we are expanding.  As we put another year behind us, we are either getting wiser and better and finding more fulfillment in our lives, or we are growing more complacent and compliant and learning to put up with ourselves or our circumstances.  Or of course, there is that third option - some of us may be growing more frustrated in our attempts to change.  Frustration is made out of two elements.  "Want to" and "Can't".  Put 'em together and waddya got?  Frustration.

But when it comes to personal growth, there's another name for it.  I like to call it Divine Discontent. It's the raw stuff that change is made out of.  It's the "kick in the ass" or "nagging feeling" or maybe a "deep longing" that lets us know it's time for a change.  This is the driving force behind evolution, and when we know how to use it, it can open us up to richer, fuller expressions of ourselves.  We ARE evolving. 

One sure way to become frustrated is to try to ignore those inner urgings ... to stuff them down, medicate them, keep ourselves distracted, dissociated.   We try to stifle it, when we can let it guide us and lead us to more fulfilling lives.

In therapy and coaching we find that symptoms (everything from anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, even angry outbursts and unwanted behaviors) are often the impoverished expressions of some aspect of our being that is trying to evolve.  The frustrated attempts of some emerging self that wants out.

Core Transformation is a brilliant process that gets to the heart of the matter, gently and easily, and by connecting you with your own deeper self, helps to bring you to a life of greater self awareness, self acceptance and self expression.

I'm happy to be offering this training here in a mini-course as well as in live venues.  After learning Core Transformation back in the early 90s from Connirae Andreas, I've added words like  "richer", "resonant" "fulfilling" and "expansive" to my vocabulary.  I've come to know myself in new ways ... and I'm coming to BE myself in new ways, thanks to this brilliant process.

This short video is the first of five focusing in on the Core Transformation process. To get the whole set, subscribe to our blog (using the link in the right hand column). You can also read about Core Transformation and how to use it in Connirae and Tamara Andreas' brilliant book:Core Transformation: Reaching the Wellspring Within
And of course, when it comes to learning, nothing can compare to the experience of a LIVE, hands-on training which are available from time to time through us, and other organizations.  Michael Watson is proud to be one of a handful of licensed US trainers authorized by Connirae Andreas to present this program.  Here are the details of our next Core Transformation Training. 
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Playing for Change

6/26/2013

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On streetcorners and in subway stations, in parks and on boardwalks you will find buskers .... musicians who play their music in public for change.

And it seems like there are a couple different types of buskers - the ones who need to do it and the ones who love to do it.  The first type play in the hope that they'll do well enough to earn a few dollars so that they can get through another (sad and pathetic) day ...  and the other ones are so full of life and enthusiastic about performing that they figure as long as they're going to do it, they may as well let people throw money at them.

It's quite remarkable how two such people, engaged in the same activity, can be so different .... and it's apparent to the audience which one is which ... by sight AND by sound.  By the "vibes".  And yet the only real difference between them is the attitude behind what they do. 

(We've  added a "subscribe" option on the right side of the page ... just below my name and a little bit above the announcements for upcoming programs.  We'll be honored to have you join us.  And you'll get each edition we make hot off the presses. - and we promise not  to sell or distribute or misuse your info in any way.)

If you've been following this blog, you're already familiar with the idea about how our thoughts shape our experience ... and this is an example of how a person's map (or description/interpretation of the world) produces results that can lead to despair and failure, or to enthusiasm and self esteem.

In the last edition, we covered the idea that that when you were beset by troubling thoughts, you can realize that IT IS JUST YOUR THINKING ... and I suggested that you
KNOCK IT OFF!!

Anyone who's ever studied meditation has run into the problem of the busy mind....
And it just doesn't seem to have an on/off switch.  Now that's a fact.  But just like the proverbial tree that falls in the uninhabited forest ... would all of those thoughts that you're making up really have any effect if you weren't listening.  It's possible to have a world view where those noisy thoughts can be like some "tale told by an idiot" and we can just tune them out.   It seems impossible to shut them off, it's quite easy to take the wind out of their sales ... or as Erickson would say, "depotentiate" them.  

So I'd like to share a few ways to play with your mind ... and to play for CHANGE.  To use a few principles that can put you back in control and out from under the thumb of your thinking mind.  (Did you know your mind had a thumb?)
 

So here's one way - 
I'm really convinced that as quickly as you become conscious of the fact that you're feeling the effects of your thinking ... then you'll be more at choice in the matter and you'll discover that more and more often YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STOP IT.  

So what we want to do, is to help you become more aware ... to catch yourself in the act ..
RED HANDED.

It just isn't the same when you know you're doing it to yourself. (Now why did the tune to "Imaginary Lover" just start running though my head, for example?) But liberation comes when you know you could start doing something differently.  I said it before and I'll say it again,
"If you're going to make stuff up, you might as well make it groovy."

So ... back to our task ... how to help you become more aware:
Here's an exercise.  I mean ... um .... A GAME ... (Yah!  THERE's the TICKET!)
exercise is especially useful if you're haunted. Just kidding, sort of.  I mean if you have a recurring thought or memory that pops up into your mind from time to time and makes you feel bad, or sad, or worried, or anything else you don't want. The name of the game is Name it, Claim it, and Frame it.

So here's how it goes:
1.  Bring up that thought or memory or image that pops into your head.  Easy enough to do.  You've done it a thousand times. The difference from usual is that this time you're doing it on purpose.

2.  Take a moment to consider that this image, idea, thought ... is a creative work.  See it in your mind, or just imagine it however vividly you can. Your usual experience may be that it's "just a feeling" ... but it's a feeling about something.  After all, you seem to know when to have it, so just notice any image that arises or create a symbol of it ... whichever works best for you
.
3.  And it IS a work of art ... like a fine painting in a gallery.  So I think, given all the effort you've put into it, that you should give it a name.  Imagine it as a work of art ... a painting for example ... and give it a name.  It deserves to have a title.  Just a couple words ... or a few.

4. And it needs to have a frame around it, after all.  And frames are more important than you think because they provide the context for the painting.  A frame is as important as the background music in a motion picture.   And you might choose a frame that is really in keeping with the mood of the piece.  Or, since it's your own unwanted thought a frame could be chosen that brings playfulness, or contrast ... or something else that you find appropriate.  It's your brain ... it's your thought ... and you can decide how you like it.

5. And because it is your artwork ... it ought to be signed ... so that everyone who sees it will know who's work it was.  Put your name on it.  Maybe in the lower left corner .. or maybe down to the right ... but feel free to be expressive and make that name stand out.

6.  Now, just take it all in.  Step back and get a good look at it.  Knowing it's NAME.  Contained in a FRAME.  And seeing your signature, you make your CLAIM.  Just take it for a moment ... feel any feelings you have about it, for it ... and then let it slowly fade away.

7.  Now take a moment to direct your attention else where.  Think about something or someone that you really enjoy ... and let yourself fee a moment of delight or pleasure with that though.

8.  Now, back to work.  Bring your artwork to mind again ... and notice, now when you think about it ... does it come with a frame and a signature?  If not, put the frame back on, sign it again, and repeat step 6, 7, and 8 a few times until the frame and signature come automatically with the image/memory/idea.

9.  After a few round with this, you'll discover that whenever that thought occurs to you again, if at all ... you'll see it differently ... you'll have more distance from it ... and you'll be able to let it go more easily.

That's enough for today ... more next time.

(We've added a subscribe option on the right side of the page ... just below my name and
a little bit above the announcements for upcoming programs.  We'll be honored to have you join us. And you'll get each edition we make hot off the presses. - and we promise not to sell or distribute or misuse your info in any way.)
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