Blog Archives

Remedies for Blabberheads ..... (and you KNOW who you ARE!)

6/27/2013

Are you plagued by the voices in your head? Is there a critic that minimizes your successes and beats you up over your failures? Or maybe just a nagging parent or other inner demon that makes you feel bad?

I say "demon" because I think many of my clients have come to me asking for some kind of exorcism.

If you've been following this blog, we've been talking about the idea that it's your thinking that makes you unhappy, or anxious, or fearful, or keeps you from being confident and resourceful and deserving and successful, peaceful HAPPY ... etc.
And I suggested that if you were guilty of this kind of "stinking thinking", that you should just knock it off.

And we've agreed that shutting that voice off may take a little know how ... so here's another trick for you that you can use to put the brakes on that nasty little devil.

It's pretty hard to shut it up, but I wonder if you realize that it MIGHT have some useful feedback for you that you'll want to pay attention to. And what makes you feel bad isn't the words you're hearing ... what gives those words their "sting" is the tone of voice that they come with. So, just let them come, but CHANGE THE TONE!! Change the whole damn voice!

You can listen to Donald Duck, P-P-P-Porky Pig, Betty Boop ... or some sexy and seductive fantasy partner of your choosing.

The video below will tell you how I got control of the voices in MY head .... you might like to try it on for yourself.
(I know some of you have seen this before as it's been "living" on my front page for a while .... but it's about to disappear from there ... remaining here in the archives of Blogville - enjoy!)

Playing for Change

6/26/2013

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On streetcorners and in subway stations, in parks and on boardwalks you will find buskers .... musicians who play their music in public for change.

And it seems like there are a couple different types of buskers - the ones who need to do it and the ones who love to do it. The first type play in the hope that they'll do well enough to earn a few dollars so that they can get through another (sad and pathetic) day ... and the other ones are so full of life and enthusiastic about performing that they figure as long as they're going to do it, they may as well let people throw money at them.

It's quite remarkable how two such people, engaged in the same activity, can be so different .... and it's apparent to the audience which one is which ... by sight AND by sound. By the "vibes". And yet the only real difference between them is the attitude behind what they do.

(We've added a "subscribe" option on the right side of the page ... just below my name and a little bit above the announcements for upcoming programs. We'll be honored to have you join us. And you'll get each edition we make hot off the presses. - and we promise not to sell or distribute or misuse your info in any way.)

If you've been following this blog, you're already familiar with the idea about how our thoughts shape our experience ... and this is an example of how a person's map (or description/interpretation of the world) produces results that can lead to despair and failure, or to enthusiasm and self esteem.

In the last edition, we covered the idea that that when you were beset by troubling thoughts, you can realize that IT IS JUST YOUR THINKING ... and I suggested that you KNOCK IT OFF!!

Anyone who's ever studied meditation has run into the problem of the busy mind....
And it just doesn't seem to have an on/off switch. Now that's a fact. But just like the proverbial tree that falls in the uninhabited forest ... would all of those thoughts that you're making up really have any effect if you weren't listening. It's possible to have a world view where those noisy thoughts can be like some "tale told by an idiot" and we can just tune them out.   It seems impossible to shut them off, it's quite easy to take the wind out of their sales ... or as Erickson would say, "depotentiate" them.

So I'd like to share a few ways to play with your mind ... and to play for CHANGE. To use a few principles that can put you back in control and out from under the thumb of your thinking mind.  (Did you know your mind had a thumb?)

So here's one way -
I'm really convinced that as quickly as you become conscious of the fact that you're feeling the effects of your thinking ... then you'll be more at choice in the matter and you'll discover that more and more often YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STOP IT.

So what we want to do, is to help you become more aware ... to catch yourself in the act .. RED HANDED.

It just isn't the same when you know you're doing it to yourself. (Now why did the tune to "Imaginary Lover" just start running though my head, for example?) But liberation comes when you know you could start doing something differently. I said it before and I'll say it again, "If you're going to make stuff up, you might as well make it groovy."

So ... back to our task ... how to help you become more aware:
Here's an exercise. I mean ... um .... A GAME ... (Yah! THERE's the TICKET!)
exercise is especially useful if you're haunted. Just kidding, sort of. I mean if you have a recurring thought or memory that pops up into your mind from time to time and makes you feel bad, or sad, or worried, or anything else you don't want. The name of the game is Name it, Claim it, and Frame it.

So here's how it goes:
1. Bring up that thought or memory or image that pops into your head. Easy enough to do. You've done it a thousand times. The difference from usual is that this time you're doing it on purpose.

2. Take a moment to consider that this image, idea, thought ... is a creative work. See it in your mind, or just imagine it however vividly you can. Your usual experience may be that it's "just a feeling" ... but it's a feeling about something. After all, you seem to know when to have it, so just notice any image that arises or create a symbol of it ... whichever works best for you
.
3. And it IS a work of art ... like a fine painting in a gallery. So I think, given all the effort you've put into it, that you should give it a name. Imagine it as a work of art ... a painting for example ... and give it a name. It deserves to have a title. Just a couple words ... or a few.

4. And it needs to have a frame around it, after all. And frames are more important than you think because they provide the context for the painting. A frame is as important as the background music in a motion picture.   And you might choose a frame that is really in keeping with the mood of the piece. Or, since it's your own unwanted thought a frame could be chosen that brings playfulness, or contrast ... or something else that you find appropriate. It's your brain ... it's your thought ... and you can decide how you like it.

5. And because it is your artwork ... it ought to be signed ... so that everyone who sees it will know who's work it was. Put your name on it. Maybe in the lower left corner .. or maybe down to the right ... but feel free to be expressive and make that name stand out.

6. Now, just take it all in. Step back and get a good look at it. Knowing it's NAME. Contained in a FRAME. And seeing your signature, you make your CLAIM. Just take it for a moment ... feel any feelings you have about it, for it ... and then let it slowly fade away.

7. Now take a moment to direct your attention else where. Think about something or someone that you really enjoy ... and let yourself fee a moment of delight or pleasure with that though.

8. Now, back to work. Bring your artwork to mind again ... and notice, now when you think about it ... does it come with a frame and a signature? If not, put the frame back on, sign it again, and repeat step 6, 7, and 8 a few times until the frame and signature come automatically with the image/memory/idea.

9. After a few round with this, you'll discover that whenever that thought occurs to you again, if at all ... you'll see it differently ... you'll have more distance from it ... and you'll be able to let it go more easily.

That's enough for today ... more next time.

(We've added a subscribe option on the right side of the page ... just below my name and
a little bit above the announcements for upcoming programs. We'll be honored to have you join us. And you'll get each edition we make hot off the presses. - and we promise not to sell or distribute or misuse your info in any way.)

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You're only a thought away ...

6/25/2013

They should make me the Secretary of State

As a practitioner and trainer of NLP and Hypnotherapy ... I help people move out of unwanted experiences of anxiety and depression and failure and despair (and on and on) that keep them stuck and inhibit their movement toward the goals and aspirations that they have.

And I help them to access states of calm, collected confidence and optimism and motivation and determination
... and other states that will help them produce the results they've come to achieve.

And I want to share an idea with you about that.

Everything you're running from is inside your head.

What??!! No, REALLY ...  You see, it's like  this.

We live in a world that bombards our sensory system all day and night.  And all that incoming data doesn't mean a thing until we assign meaning to it.  Stuff happens on the outside, but EXPERIENCE is what we do on the
inside.  Something happens and then we start telling ourselves stories about it ... we judge it and evaluate it ... we give it meaning ... we imagine future scenarios that could arise from it. And the feeling we end up with are the result of all that.

Shakespeare tells us "Nothing is either good or bad, save thinking makes it so."

So all those feelings that we have are the result of our thoughts .... Anxiety is just an idea. It's a thought. It may be in response to something real or imagined ...but the good news is: it's just a thought.

My friend Jamie Smart has written a whole book on the subject .... It's called "Clarity" and you can find
it at all the usual online book sources or in local bookstores everywhere. And I know what Jamie would tell
us. He'd say "You're feeling the effect of your thinking."

Goethe observed, "There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste."

.
And in my career I've come across a lot of people who spend most of their time making things up inside their head ... things that make them miserable ... things that make them crazy. And if you're one of those people (we all are some of the time), then I want to commend you for your creativity. Who knew that anxiety was a creative
act? Because if you want to be any good at it you've got to make up a whole believable reality for yourself and maintain it through time.

AND, I also have an important message for you:

Knock that sh** off!

Since sadness, failure, depression, - are just thoughts. And since you're the one who's thinking them ... just knock it off!

Of course there are real emergencies ... and you don't want to push them out of your mind ... but your success at surviving an emergency is certainly enhanced when you're not freaking out inside like a frightened little schoolgirl
and instead can access enough clarity of mind to make some good decisions about how to respond.

So when you stop all of that anxious or panicked or worried thinking you'll have choices. Because if you're going to make up an experiential world for yourself ... You might as well make up a groovy one.

KNOW THIS: You're only one thought away from happiness, success, joy, self esteem, confidence ...

So what ARE you going to create with all that spare mind space?

Or maybe you'd like to just hang out with the quiet inside and see what arises, naturally.

Now I realize that some of you may be unsure about HOW to turn off the negative thought maker ... so be sure to watch for the next blog here ... and we'll share some secrets with you..

In the meantime, you might discover how helpful it can be just to realize that your anxiety or misery is just a result of stinkin' thinkin' ... that what you're feeling is the result of your thinking ... and thinking is just a
behavior. Maybe simply knowing that will help.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do ... (women too)

6/24/2013

It's true. Sometimes a man (or woman) has got to do what a man (or woman) has got to do.

Sometimes you can do what you want ... or do it your way. And sometimes life has rules.

Today I'm going to the DMV to renew my drivers license. And they have a lot of rules there. Their most popular book, "The rules of the road" details many of them.

And when it comes to renewal, you've got to bring all the right documents. (I was glad I could find that birth certificate. Because as sure as I am that I WAS born, you've got to prove it to these folks.) And, lets see ... social security card (check!), mortgage bill (check!), utility bill (check!) vehicle registration (check!) ...

I've got to make sure I jump through all the hoops at just the right speed in just the right order. And I've got to make sure I COLOR INSIDE THE LINES

And for SOME people ... most of their life is like that.

Is your life like a day at the DMV??

Do you spend a lot of time making sure you're doing all the right things in the right way so that you can get your bills paid, keep your job, have a roof over your head, send the kids to the right school ... and maybe, just maybe
... find a few minutes at the end of the week to kick back with a beer and a hockey game that you're too exhausted to enjoy?

The reason I'm asking is that I'm sure it doesn't have to be that way.
I'm sure ... You can have more of what you want.

Over the last thirty years, I've watched some interesting changes take place in my career as an NLP practitioner and trainer ... and there seems to be a revolution taking place. It used to be that people were coming to see me
because they wanted to "get fixed" and solve their problems so that they could be more normal and "toe the line" like everyone else. They WANTED to follow the rules because they thought it'd get them something valuable.

But NOW people are seeking more creative ways to live and enjoy their lives. Looking for more satisfying and fulfilling adventures. And a few of them are really stepping out and going for it.

Here's an assignment: Find a way today to be creative ... let yourself come alive and come out. And break a
few rules. Especially the ones you've been imposing on yourself.

As En Vogue once said ... "Free your mind ... and the rest will follow"
(So let's put that in the soundtrack for the day.)

So YEP ... sometimes a man has GOT to do what you've GOT to do. And sometimes, you can free your mind and free your spirit ... and live life on your own terms.

Some people just can't be stopped ... and others can't get started!

6/23/2013

I had a client once who told me he'd been drinking brake fluid every day.
"Oh my God," I said, "You must be addicted".
"Not at all," he replied.
"I can stop whenever I want!"

Stopping can be an issue with addictions and compulsions, of course.
But when it comes to personal motivation and goal achievement, it seems that
more people are plagued by an inability to get started.

I've been working in the personal achievement arena for over 30 years.
Possibly longer. And when I got started, it was called the Human Potential
Movement. And there were all kinds of encounter groups and seminars and
sweat lodges and drumming circles that got people all fired up and excited about
doing more drumming and sweat lodging and taking more seminars and having more
encounters.

And some folks came back again and again ... and made a serious study of the
human potential ... because they were determined to discover and develop
"all that they could be".

They learned about the cultural practices of aboriginal tribes, mantras and
chakras, astrology, numerology, and they took yoga classes and used
psychedelic drugs to find their "real" self .... and they discovered that they not only
HAD a potential ... but that now it was seriously enhanced.

AND YET, THEY WERE NO CLOSER TO THEIR GOALS THAN WHEN
THEY'D FIRST GOTTEN ON THIS YELLOW BRICK ROAD.

So ... They thought that they'd try something new

And they dressed for success (complete with power tie) and they got their
MBAs, and they printed their business cards and joined toastmasters, and they
said their affirmations and they made vision boards, and they networked, and
got linked in .. and lived in the right communities ...
AND THEY WERE STILL NO CLOSER TO THEIR GOALS THAN WHEN
THEY'D FIRST GOTTEN ON THIS YELLOW BRICK ROAD

And it turned out this NEW way was the old way in a disguise. Same
girl.. different dress.

But we did notice something interesting through the years. Once in a
while, someone would disappear from one of those groups ... they would stop
attending because their lives were getting busier and bigger. They were
losing interest in staring their potential in the bellybutton ... and had gone
out into the world to EXPRESS THE POTENTIAL that they'd always had.
The same potential that was ready from the beginning. Waiting to get started ..

Many people will spend a lifetime saying, "If only ... " or "I wish we could ... "
While a few others are simply saying, "Lets!"

You have it in you to be great ... You have it in you to fulfill your
dreams.

As Nike says,
"Just DO it."

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Michael Watson

International Trainer of NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis

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