Are you plagued by the voices in your head?  Is there a critic that minimizes your successes and beats you up over your failures?  Or maybe just a nagging parent or other inner demon that makes you feel bad?

I say "demon" because I think many of my clients have come to me asking for some kind of exorcism.

If you've been following this blog, we've been talking about the idea that it's your thinking that makes you unhappy, or anxious, or fearful, or keeps you from being confident and resourceful and deserving and successful, peaceful HAPPY ... etc.
And I suggested that if you were guilty of this kind of "stinking thinking", that you should just knock it off.

And we've agreed that shutting that voice off may take a little know how ... so here's another trick for you that you can use to put the brakes on that nasty little devil.

It's pretty hard to shut it up, but I wonder if you realize that it MIGHT have some useful feedback for you that you'll want to pay attention to.   And what makes you feel bad isn't the words you're hearing ... what gives those words their "sting" is the tone of voice that they come with.  So, just let them come, but CHANGE THE TONE!!  Change the whole damn voice!  

You can listen to Donald Duck, P-P-P-Porky Pig, Betty Boop ... or some sexy and seductive fantasy partner of your choosing.

The video below will tell you how I got control of the voices in MY head .... you might like to try it on for yourself.
(I know some of you have seen this before as it's been "living" on my front page for a while .... but it's about to disappear from there ... remaining here in the archives of Blogville - enjoy!)

They should make me the Secretary of State

As a practitioner and trainer of NLP and Hypnotherapy ... I help people move out of unwanted experiences of anxiety and depression and failure and despair (and on and on) that keep them stuck and inhibit  their movement toward the goals and aspirations that they have.


And I help them to access states of  calm, collected confidence and optimism  and motivation and determination
... and other states that will help them  produce the results they've come to achieve.


And I want to share an idea with you about that.

What??!!  No, REALLY ...  You see, it's like  this.

We live in a world that bombards our sensory system all day and night.  And  all that incoming data doesn't mean a  thing until we assign meaning to it.  Stuff happens on the outside, but EXPERIENCE is what we do on the
inside.  Something happens and then we start telling  ourselves stories about it ... we judge it and evaluate it ... we give it  meaning ... we imagine future scenarios that could arise from it.  And the feeling we end up with are the result of all that.

So all those feelings that we have are the result of our thoughts ....  Anxiety is just an idea.  It's a thought.  It may be in response to something real or imagined ...but the good news is: it's just a thought.


My friend Jamie Smart has written a whole book on the subject .... It's called "Clarity" and you can find
it at all the usual online book sources or in local bookstores everywhere.  And I know what Jamie would tell
us.   He'd say  "You're  feeling the effect of your thinking."

.
And  in my career I've come across a lot of people who spend most of their time making things up inside their head ... things that make them miserable ... things that make them crazy.  And if you're one of those  people (we all are some of the time), then I want to commend you for your creativity.  Who knew that anxiety was a creative
act?   Because if you want to be any good at it you've got  to make up a whole believable reality for yourself and maintain it through time.

 AND, I also have an important message for you:
 
                                                              Knock that sh** off!


Since sadness, failure, depression, - are just thoughts.  And since  you're the one who's thinking them ... just knock it off!


Of course there are real emergencies ... and you don't want to push them out of your mind ... but your success at surviving an emergency is certainly enhanced when you're not freaking out inside like a frightened little schoolgirl
and instead can access enough clarity of mind to make some good decisions about  how to respond.


So when you stop all of that anxious or panicked or worried thinking you'll have choices.  Because if you're going to make up an experiential world for yourself ... You might as well make up a groovy one.


KNOW THIS: You're only one thought away from happiness, success, joy, self esteem,  confidence ...


So what ARE you going to create with all that spare mind space?

 Or maybe you'd like to just hang out with the quiet inside and see what  arises, naturally.

 Now I realize that some of you may be unsure about HOW to turn off the negative  thought maker ... so be sure to watch for the next blog here ... and we'll share some secrets with you..

 In the meantime, you might discover how helpful it can be just to realize that your anxiety or misery is just a result of stinkin' thinkin' ... that what you're feeling is the result of your thinking ... and thinking is just a
behavior.  Maybe simply knowing that will help.


 

It's true.  Sometimes a man (or woman) has got to do what a man (or  woman) has got to do.

Sometimes you can do what you want ... or do it your way.  And sometimes life has rules.

 Today I'm going to the DMV to renew my drivers license.  And they have a lot of rules there.  Their most popular book, "The rules of the road"  details many of them.

 And when it comes to renewal, you've got to bring all the right documents.  (I was glad I could find that birth certificate.  Because as sure as I am that I WAS born, you've got to prove it to these folks.)   And, lets see ... social security card (check!), mortgage bill (check!), utility bill (check!)  vehicle registration (check!) ...

 I've got to make sure I jump through all the hoops at just the right speed in just the right order.  And I've got to make sure I COLOR INSIDE THE LINES


And for SOME people ... most of their life is like that.

Do you spend a lot of time making sure you're doing all the right things in the right way so that you can get your bills paid, keep your job, have a roof over your head, send the kids to the right school ... and maybe, just maybe
...  find a few minutes at the end of the week to kick back with a beer and a hockey game that you're too exhausted to enjoy?


The reason I'm asking is that I'm sure it doesn't have to be that way. 
I'm sure ... You can have more of what you want.


Over the last thirty years, I've watched some interesting changes take place in my career as an NLP practitioner and trainer ... and there seems to be a revolution taking place.  It used to be that people were coming to see me
because they wanted to "get fixed" and solve their problems so that they could be more normal and "toe the line" like everyone else.  They WANTED to follow  the rules because they thought it'd get them something  valuable.


But NOW people are seeking more creative ways to live and enjoy their lives.  Looking for more satisfying and fulfilling adventures.  And a few of them are really stepping out and going for it.


Here's an assignment:  Find a way today to be creative ... let yourself come alive and come out.   And break a
few rules.  Especially the ones you've been imposing on yourself.


As En Vogue once said ... "Free your mind ... and the rest will follow" 
(So let's put that in the soundtrack for the day.)

So YEP ... sometimes a man has GOT to do what you've GOT to do. And  sometimes, you can free your mind and free your spirit ... and live life on your  own terms.

Part Three in a series by Michael Watson


This is the third installment in a series about the presuppositions of NLP.  And it seems like the right place to
comment on the purpose and use of all of this.  While many observers think of NLP as a collection of techniques and clever language patterns, it is the presuppositions that are its heart and soul, and all the rest of it are expressions and expansions of their application. The growing number of developments and processes related to NLP are the byproducts of adherence to these presuppositions. The way to begin practicing NLP is to practice the presuppositions … hold them as a mindset when you interact with others ... and then see what happens. 
 
So far in this series, we’ve explored the notion that the map is not the territory and that experience has structure. 
This understanding that the world we experience is one of our own creation is a particular important understanding in the field of change and personal evolution.  But I like to think of evolution as being a process that we can engage in consciously, deliberately. So there are a couple NLP presuppositions that I want to address … and the first one is OUTRAGEOUS:

ANYONE CAN DO  ANYTHING

When I first heard this one, I was sure it had to be wrong.  My head was full of counter-examples.  I couldn’t leap tall buildings in a single bound, for instance. Or run a mile in two minutes.  Or even make sense out of this presupposition.  But I was missing the point. NLP’s presuppositions are a place to start thinking.  Not a place to stop. Beginnings, not conclusions.  They are useful frames to hold when working with clients or when you want
to make a change for yourself.  And this one holds out hope and opens up possibility.  Can you imagine consulting with a practitioner or mental coach about your goal to expand your business into a new territory or to have a better relationship with your mother in law?  What if your practitioner/coach just looked at you matter-of-fact and said, “You can’t.”?

So the point here is that we want to allow the possibility of success from the very beginning.  The request a client comes into session with, may not be well thought through yet … it may still require some development or refinement or a plan. And of course some things ARE impossible.  If you want to jump off the top of the Empire State Building and fly over to the Statue of Liberty by two o’clock this afternoon … and you haven’t scheduled any flying lessons yet – Of COURSE it’s impossible!

But that’s not what NLP is about.  In the earlier parts of this series, you’ve seen that we all have our unique ways
of experiencing, understanding and operating in the world.  That we make it up in our own way. And because experience has structure,  that means there is an “inner game” to what we do.  NLP is a “how to” technology. 
It’s about modeling how people do things.  Ranging from how someone plays a great game of golf to how one survives a devastating loss. What’s the “inner game” of having an anxiety attack, or a phobia?  And what’s the inner game of overcoming them?  There’s no limit to what you can model.  In fact, all of the “techniques” of NLP
are the result of modeling the natural internal processes of people.  In this sense, they are not inventions of NLP, they are neurolinguistic descriptions of the ways people do things.

So what this third presupposition REALLY means, is: 
 
“If someone can do something, it can be modeled and made available to others.”  
 
Yes,  of course there may be limits in certain contexts due to differences in height,  or physical strength, or gender (though less than you might think).  Yet attending to the inner game, it’s easy to realize that a great public
speaker is doing something very different on the inside than the guy who’s quaking with fear and stuttering and blushing and criticizing himself  when he tries to talk in a public setting.  Or imagine the difference between the internal experience of a confident and skillful tennis player in an intense match and a complete rookie in the same
situation.

Now there are million “how to” books placed on the market every year … and they offer valuable information and insight.  Yet some great performers, no matter what the field, don’t have a conscious awareness of their internal process or the means to describe it in a way that allows for its replication by others. 

NLP modeling identifies and sorts out specific sensory based and linguistic components and provides the much needed language of description.  As we’ve discussed earlier (and will continue later),  the “structure” of experience consists of sequences of internal and external images, sounds and feelings, under the influence of beliefs and values and a variety of other filters and meta-programs …. And all of that leads to the end result of confidence, or panic, or virtuosity or whatever. These sequences, also known as strategies in NLP, are programs that can be adopted for use when they are helpful, or modified when they are problematic.

So while we say that ANYone can do ANYthing, we really are affirming the powerful use  of modeling to be and do whatever you want, and yet when we look around at our clients, associates, loved ones, you’ve got to wonder why so many people are so unhappy and doing so many seemingly screwed up things. And in fact, the presuppositions of NLP dig us in a little deeper with  this next one which says:


PEOPLE WORK PERFECTLY – No One is Wrong or Broken

How could that be?  Some people that I know seem to be perfectly  wrong!  Of course this fourth presupposition is a huge generalization, and a very useful one in the field of human change.  The model of  suggests that it’s the programming that causes the trouble, not the computer.  It’s the inner processes that we’ve been describing earlier … the “inner game” that’s the trouble … not the person.  

People are being who they have learned to be and behaving and responding as they have learned to behave and respond.  The good news is that this proves that they can learn, and incorporate that learning. That’s the nature of  programming. Presupposing that the neurology involved is intact and we use the understandings and methodologies of NLP to redesign those inner processes and produce better results.  We can create new strategies and rewrite the code.

But then, the idea that we’ve been challenged as the result of some buggy programming … raises an important question.  When or where or how did we pick up the “bugs”?   Watch for the next installment and we’ll go a little further as we continue our NLP odyssey. 

 Part Two in a series by Michael Watson


The second presupposition of NLP that I want to share with you is simply this:

EXPERIENCE HAS STRUCTURE

I wonder if you’ve ever heard this explanation about the difference between neurotics and psychotics. They say
that neurotics build castles in the sky and that psychotics live in them … 

In the last issue we talked about that very thing … except we pointed out that EVERYBODY does that. Even you and I.  We use our 5 senses and our beliefs and our values and a few other things (yes, there’s more) to shape our perception of the world … to give it all meaning … and then we move in.

But I want to be clear about one thing. I’m not going to generalize and say this is true about EVERYone … just those of us who possess a human neurology. We do all of this constantly, automatically, unconsciously.  Yet if you’re going to build something as important as reality (and if you like the idea of taking a little more control of your life) then I would think you’d rather do it deliberately, decisively, creatively, artistically or whatever other”ly” works for you.

Now somewhere in our evolutionary past we inherited a basic skill set that was operating on automatic pilot.  We
didn’t know that we knew how to create an experience.  Stuff just seemed to happen - and we responded to it. 
It’s a roller coaster, isn’t it?  Full of twists and turns and ups and downs. And you just don’t know what’s coming NEXT.  Or so it may seem.

So you might take some comfort in knowing that this process can continue on its own and you don’t really need to do anything … UNLESS you want to be a little more involved in the creative side of things.

But to do it on purpose, you need some HOW TO.  Well, here it is:

HOW TO CREATE AN EXPERIENCE

What is an experience?  It’s important when you set out to create things, that you realize that it isn’t the things that you create that are important.  It’s the experiences that they give rise to.  Not to be confused with events, which are external … the experience of an event is the internal happening.  Events are objective, experiences are subjective.  Experience includes a lot of stuff that isn’t happening “out there” (and excludes a lot if it as well).

It isn’t the day-to-day events that happen in the world that matter. Not really.   It’s the meaning we give to them and how we understand them.  And that happens quicker that you can say Jack Robinson.  Because no sooner does the external event (EI) occur than we begin to generate an internal representation of it (IR) and that’s what we respond to.  That is, our sensory apparatus is stimulated by something we see, hear,  feel, taste, smell.  And as fast as greased lightning we compare it to things we’ve experienced before, we focus in on key elements of it, we filter it through our beliefs and attitudes, likes and dislikes … we make a boatload of judgments and decisions about it … we draw conclusions about it … and we encode the results of that process in our neurology in the form of those internal representations. And those encoded internal representation continue to effect and influence us from that point forward.  We don’t need to think about it anymore.  The thinking is all out of the way.  So why should we go through all that again next time that same issue arises?  We can just respond to what we’ve already created inside. Even though it only took a microsecond to do all of that, we don’t need to do it again unless some hypnotist or NLPer is trying to help us change it.

Let me give you an example. Have you ever met someone who really liked something that you really didn’t like?  And I don’t just mean when it’s actually present or happening or whatever.  I mean when they’re just THINKING about it?  And when I think about going to the gym (something I’m not especially inspired to do) and another fellow (who really likes it) thinks about going to the gym. We MUST be doing something differently inside of our heads, right?

Check this out.  In the privacy of your own mind, take a moment to think about some activity that you really like … you know, REALLY like. And take a moment to REALLY think about that activity.  Enjoy that for a moment and notice any images you see in your mind, anything you hear, and how the feelings come with the thought.  
 
Now think about some other activity that you really DON’T like.   And notice the images that come into your mind, and the sounds, and how that feels.  Automatically …. Just  connected with the thought.

And it’s not just a question of what’s happening in those mental movies or soundtracks or whatever internal representation you’ve got. It’s what details you chose (without thinking about it) to include and which ones you chose to exclude.  But that’s not the half of it.

What’s the code?  How do you know, as soon as you bring up that file how to “feel” about those thoughts? 
You really don’t have to go through the whole evaluation process over  again.  Because the information is
hiding in plain sight.  

Every great film maker knows that when you create a movie, there are choices that you make which determine how that film is going to effect the audience.  An image can be bright and cheery, dark and ominous (or spooky), colored or black and white.  Pictures can be close up or far away.  Moving or Still.  3D or 2D. Focused or Foggy. 
And these are just a few of the cinematographic qualities that make a  difference.  You can find yourself IN the picture or removed from it.  And what about the soundtrack?  Are the sounds pleasant, foreboding, whimsical, realistic, soft, loud, fast, slow.  And you don’t have to think about that every time you have a thought. In fact, your probably don’t notice it.  It just “comes that way.”  Because that’s how you’ve encoded it.

 So again ... in your mind ... notice the difference between that activity you really like and the one you don’t.  Don’t do anything with it just yet.  Simply notice the differences in the quality of the images and sounds and you’ll see and hear that they are the key to determining what you like or don’t like. What motivates you or leaves you  flat. Maybe even what you believe and what you’re unsure of.

Now I’m not sure if you’ve realized just yet, this understanding can help you discover that it’s possible to make something more motivating for example, by stealing the code from something that you really are already motivated about … or if there might be a way to use it to like something a little less.  But the implications to both NLPers and hypnotherapist and other human beings is profound.

We’ll get into that and more when this series continues.  I’m looking forward to it in colors that are bright and vivid enough to make it a delight, but restrained enough to be taken seriously.  Next time.


 

In  the beginning there was no NLP.  Hippies were getting jobs, The Beatles had broken up, campus unrest was
settling down, the Vietnam War was drawing to a close. It was a new time.  New styles, new ways, new ideas.  And  there was a particularly fertile mind-field half way up the California coast.  Not far from Fritz Perls and Esalen, and Timothy Leary and Berkley; and influenced by Milton Erickson, Noam Chomsky, Virginia Satir, Gregory Bateson and countless others; John Grinder and Richard Bandler and a band of colleagues and students started thinking.  One thought led to another. One idea connected to another and the result of that thinking is NLP.

NLP, like any school of thought begins with certain “givens”. These ideas are held constant and are the fundamental assumptions that define and shape NLP.   I like to think of the presuppositions of NLP as essential attitudes, because not only do they guide the work of a practitioner, but they are a rich and helpful set of
perceptions that can inform and empower us in daily life as well. 
  
The CARDINAL Presupposition of NLP …. The absolute starting point comes from Alfred Korzybski.  He is best known as the developer of general semantics … and for his often quoted statement:

The Map is not the Territory.

He suggests that our experience of the world is limited by our nervous system and by the structure of our language. He tells us that people don’t have direct experience of the world, but that we experience perception filtered through our neurology and mitigated by beliefs and values and then we assign meaning to it all. 

And then, I might add, we reap the benefits or suffer the consequences depending on what we’ve created. Yes, I said created.  Experience is a creative act.  Problem is, most of us do our creating unconsciously.

The map is not the territory … it is a description of the terrain  And yet we get them confused all the time.  As
soon as “reality” hits our nervous system, when we see, hear, feel, taste, smell, things .. We begin to create “maps”.  We delete some things (because it’s all TOO much), we distort some things, we make and apply generalizations.  We enhance the maps by assigning meaning to the things we let through. And we evaluate and interpret them based on our preferences, and our cultures and our beliefs.  This is the reflexive nature of our experience.  We describe the world to ourselves, and we experience the world based on our description.

The events that happen around us are not intrinsically meaningful.  Meaning is supplied by the experiencer.  This is why one person can see their 50th birthday as a glorious milestone … and another sees it as a dark day in
history.  This is why one person might look upon a beggar with disgust, yet Mother Teresa saw the face of the
Divine in the same man. Neither is correct.  These are just maps.  Descriptions. Thoughts. Neither is  real.  This is about something much more important than the nature of reality.  

In terms of whether you’re happy or miserable, whether you’re a success or a failure, whether you’re good enough (for what?), pretty enough, smart enough … just thoughts. Just maps.  Much more important than reality.  With regard to the quality of our lives, how things SEEM is a much bigger deal than how things ARE.

Judith DeLozier, a co-creator of NLP has said that at the very beginning, this one presupposition was all that they had, and that the other presuppositions and all of NLP emerged from it.  

The Map is Not the Territory

This is the good news and this is the bad news.  That depends on what you do with it.  Korzybski’s notion was simply to develop an awareness that we are not experiencing the world directly and that we are creating descriptions.  Now we have a choice.  It is this automatic process of mapmaking that contributes to our misery or
dissatisfaction, or whatever unwanted experience we’re having.  If we can create new and more useful maps, we can change the nature of our experiential world.

And not only can we use it to resolve difficulties … but we can use it more deliberately to create the experiences that we want more of for ourselves.

Now there is something really important to notice about this. Your neighbor, boss, spouse … they are all coming up with their own versions … their own ideas, descriptions, maps. And they’re not wrong.  Ever noticed how it seem like some people come from a different planet than you?  Well, they do!  Essentially. This can be very helpful information when dealing with aliens.  And maybe a chance to start respecting them enough to be just a little curious about what it’s like in their world.  

When we work as practitioners we are like curious anthropologists ... uncovering the mystery of our client’s maps and helping them to reorganize their experience, adjust their maps, and find a new way to “put it all together”.

In fact, mapmaking is especially useful when it comes to learning something new.  As we develop naturally in  childhood and acquire basic skills (things like walking and talking and all the usual) we copy and imitate … and start to create maps of how those things work.  All learning is the result of modeling.  Modeling is the creation of maps and descriptions.  If you can create a useful map, by getting a good description from someone who has a certain skill (like a confident public speaker), you can use it to develop that skill yourself or pass it on to others..

Which leads us quite naturally to the Second Presupposition of NLP:

Experience has structure

But what is that structure and what particular elements go into making a useful map?  How do you get the
information you need?  How do you use it to produce results?  We’ll get to that one next time with a discussion about what experience is made of … how to model skills and abilities … and how you can change your experience (of ANYthing) by changing its structure. This is the real DOING of NLP.